@TheRealHoff10: People keep asking me today "So you have a new boss?" No, I'm still with my wife.
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@Dawn_M_: I won't undo a retweet in case someone finds it offensive. I just knit them onto pillows and give them as Christmas gifts.
@Petote: 911! I just murdered a bunch of people 911: omg on purpose? Hang on lemme ask, did I murder anyone by mistake?.. No one is answering, So..
@OBiiieeee: First day as a drug dealer. Made a ton of sales. Boy are people forgetful, they all left their wallets at home.Gonna be rich tomorrow though