@TheTweetOfGod: People keep asking Me why I created mosquitoes. To bite you repeatedly and give you malaria, that's why.
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@WeissBrandon: If you plug in a toaster and take it into the bathtub with you, it will get rid of your hiccups.
@MisterBombay: People who argue on their cell phones in public should have to do it on speakerphone so the rest of us can get both sides
@david8hughes: If your dog & your baby are fighting, it's important to leave them to it so that a pack leader can be established.
@realHamOnWry: Unless you're planning to lay there shirtless in an open casket, there really is no point to killing yourself with diet and exercise.