@mc_funbags: People keep telling me I behave like a man so I'm currently working up the courage to tell my husband he's gay.
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@KentWGraham: For parents, college is the opposite of kidnapping. They demand $100,000 from you or they’ll send your kid back.
@sugarboyfly: Listen guys, if a 5yo comes up to you and asks if it's true that zombies won't eat kids who eat their broccoli, BACK ME UP, DAMN IT.
@MarcusTheToken: A kiss begins with K. But it's also just a text from someone who doesn't want to have a conversation with you.