@Jfficial: People laugh cause I've got 3 cats, but come the next Ice Age, when I speed past you on my cat sled, who'll be laughing then?
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@SaltyCorpse: I have to go watch my kid in a math competition and I just don't understand why Jesus has forsaken me like this.
@Skullcat: I've done some pretty stupid things while I've been drunk, but in alcohol's defense, I've done a lot of pretty stupid things sober, too.
@Shock_Monster: If I could go back in time & change any event that would alter the course of history: I probably wouldn't have super sized that fry order.
@RelatabIe: whenever my mom criticizes me i yell “it’s probably genetic” and run out of the room as fast as i can