@tastefactory: People Magazine sounds like something aliens pretending to be humans would call their magazine.
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@michaelianblack: I always rode clean. Always. Never won any bike races. Never competed. Don't even really know how to ride a bike. #vindicated
@DaHess1: Shout out to bicyclists that yell "on your left" as they pass me so I know which arm to clothesline them with.
@audipenny: [god, creating chickens] Put a red beard on a fat hiccuping sparrow. Give him a matching hat, I don't care
@d2BMcG: You look dirty, so does your toaster maybe you should both go for a bath... I'll draw it