@SamGrittner: People only want to do drugs named after women: Mary Jane, Molly, Lucy (in the Sky with Diamonds). No one wants to snort some Craig.
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@torrami: An army of pandas descends on a fortress of evil trolls. The pandas are soft, cuddly, & deadly. It's the most adorable massacre in history.
@Jandalize: I decorate for Halloween by opening my bedroom curtains as I walk around naked. Pretty scary stuff for my neighbors.
@TheAlexNevil: My wife's celebrity "free pass" is Paul Rudd, and mine is my wife because yah right like I'm gonna walk into *that* propeller blade.
@_The_Man__: Wife: The zoo called Me: [wearing hat made out of live lemurs] they say what they want?