@SamGrittner: People only want to do drugs named after women: Mary Jane, Molly, Lucy (in the Sky with Diamonds). No one wants to snort some Craig.
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@ElleOhHell: Raise your hand if this is your first time under a helicopter. Ah, sorry to make an example of you Johnson, but that's why we never do that.
@BeardedRambles: Relationship status: Fumbled with a key for 5 mins trying to get it to fit into the lock the right way. And I kinda moaned when it slid in.
@CauseWereGuys: Lord please give me patience, because if you give me strength I may just beat someone to death.
@reinert03: Somebody left a baby at my front door today, and I have no idea what to do with it. I just hope it's gone by tomorrow.