@TheAlexNevil: People say “Don’t get carried away” like that wouldn’t be the coolest mode of transport.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: We need a new fridge. Me: This is a terrible day. Wife: You can use the old fridge as a beer fridge. Me: This is the best day of my life.
@BarryVonAwesome: If you own a karate dojo and you don't make your employees answer the phone "Hiiiiiiiiya" You're doing it wrong
@SondraDeeMe: "Dreadfully mediocre." "Astonishing lack of imagination." "Your child peaked at age 5." - why my friends no longer invite me to school plays