@Dawn_M_: People say eye contact is important when flirting, but when I put my finger in someone's eye they never seem to like it.
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@Mr_Kapowski: You tell one kid there's candy inside an electrical outlet that can only be retrieved with a fork and you're never asked to babysit again
@JamieDMJ: Sea lions are faster than humans on both land and sea, so if you face one in a triathlon, you really need to make up time on the cycling.
@SuperJuanderer: if you took every species of rattlesnake in the US and laid them end to end, I would yell at a safe distance, "STOP DOING THAT!"
@SteveSuckington: It's amazing that no one at this swim up bar has had to go to the bathroom in the last three hours.