@Dawn_M_: People say eye contact is important when flirting, but when I put my finger in someone's eye they never seem to like it.
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@zachreinert03: Every time I see the headline 'tragedy on film set' I think oh god m knight shymalan is making another goddamn movie
@yobrah_: I usually base my religious and political beliefs on flyers and pamphlets handed to me on the street.
@perlapell: You know you've just had lunch with a narcissist when your neck is stiff from nodding.
@theshamingofjay: "Sit" dog sits "Down" dog lays down on floor "Play Dead" dog graduates college, finds job, gets married and has kids