@unravelingfire: People say I'm not very responsible, when in fact I'm responsible for "pajama casual" being added to the employee handbook as inappropriate.
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@Reverend_Scott: [1692 Salem] "BURN THE WITCH" U HAVE A CROOKED NOSE, WITCH "No, Frank, at the stake" [quickly lighting torch] Right, I knew that.
@canadian_jane: I respect strippers because its really hard to dance by yourself and not look stupid.
@senorwinces: If you watch Intervention backwards, it's about a person partying hard after an awful family reunion.