@unravelingfire: People say I'm not very responsible, when in fact I'm responsible for "pajama casual" being added to the employee handbook as inappropriate.
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@redherringbear: Back in college, I used to hang a sock on the doorknob when I wanted to signal my roommate that I had no idea how to fold laundry.
@vanderwangwe: Her: I want to have your babies. Me: You'll have to wait until they get off from school.
@dire_beard: Snow White: Someday my prince will come Prince Charming: I swear this has never happened before
@tdwyer618: "Dad, why did Jesus have to die on the cross?" "He didn't do his 1st grade homework."