@unravelingfire: People say I'm not very responsible, when in fact I'm responsible for "pajama casual" being added to the employee handbook as inappropriate.
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@MableGertrude: No one cared about leaving children in cars when I was young. I lived in the back of an old Buick with a pack of wild dogs until I was 9.
@KKAlThani: Look, I might not take a bullet for you but I'd push someone else in front of you which is practically the same thing.
@TheMichaelRock: Caller: Is Mr. Rock available? Me: Yeah, hold on. *hands phone to 5yo* Me: It's grandma, buddy. Tell her about Caillou.