@mc_funbags: People say that Twitter is pointless but it's teaching my children to be self sufficient.
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@SteveSuckington: Fantasy football is just Dungeons and Dragons for the people who used to beat up the people who played Dungeons and Dragons.
@lovemydogduck: The best way to tell someone you don't like them is to text them 370HSSV 0773H and tell them to read it upside down.
@SardonicTart: I'm glad my office has this giant shredder because otherwise I don't know what I'd do with all this work.
@TonyFan1420: 8:00 AM: Too tired to think Noon: Too tired to think 5:00 PM: Too tired to think Midnight: How do dragons blow out candles??