@mc_funbags: People say that Twitter is pointless but it's teaching my children to be self sufficient.
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@NurseMurderer: Objects in the mirror may appear like you've been depressed and have eaten a lot the last 3 years.
@TheHyyyype: [hs reunion] JANE: i'm an engineer TOM: i'm a real estate developer AMY: i'm a lawyer *everyone looks at me* ME: *panics* i'm a hospital
@squirrel74wkgn: Logic says the screw I dropped should be somewhere by my feet, but science says it's under the couch in the other room.