@hipsterocracy: People shit on Columbus like they've never knocked on the wrong door and then murdered the people inside and lived there.
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@KentWGraham: If you want to know how I rate in our household, my wife has one term of endearment for me and 74 for our dog.
@jordan_stratton: [Wife walks in wearing nothing but whipped cream] Oh my god, Linda, it's like you've never even heard of ants.
@nefariousPeterD: Damn, you know you're getting old when you get up in the morning and have to rest for awhile