@furrrizzle: People that have their kids on a leash get very defensive when you pet them.
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@mR_Ewe_GuY: My nephew didn't cry when Mufasa died so I stopped the movie. What is wrong with kids of today?
@jergarl: I've been leaving a dollar in every book I read my entire life for my kids to find when it's my time to go. I'm already up to like 3 bucks.
@iJesseWilliams: 1) In the interest of time, would ye noble patriots please provide a list of infractions punishable by spontaneous public execution? Thanks!
@novicefather: *writes employment history on arm *writes professional references on thigh *writes email address on neck *adds "resume" to resume