@furrrizzle: People that have their kids on a leash get very defensive when you pet them.
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@AbrasiveGhost: [Meeting] CEO: as u can see [points to graph w laser] we- BUSINESS CAT:[comes flying across table & just crashes right into a photocopier]
@alfageeek: Fun fact: if you say “I did the math,” nobody argues with you because they don't want to have to redo the math themselves.
@lilgapeach30: Stepped on an action figure in the shower and simultaneously invented six new cuss words in four different languages.