@xGreenxMonsterx: People that pronounce vase like "voz" make me want to punch them in the foz.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Shock_Monster: "Hey, let's get the guys that built the Obamacare website to update our app!" - Twitter
@leechee420: I saw my friend's kids at Walmart and they told me they were lost and I was like "good luck guys" and walked away. I'd be a great mother.
@david8hughes: [sees old friend after 4 years] "God, you were so fat back in school." "Yeah, well I lost a lot of it last year." "No you didn't."
@3_arbutus: There are 363 days till Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable.