@xGreenxMonsterx: People that pronounce vase like "voz" make me want to punch them in the foz.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TomTheWicked: Daughter: why does that guy with the whistle keep interrupting the football game? Me: because mommy isn't there to do it.
@Jamie1947: A video montage of all the times my foot, still wet from the shower, has clung to my underwear as I pull them on, and I've lost my balance.
@secondofhername: If you reply with "sky" each time I ask what's up, I shall assume you're homeless.
@UncleDuke1969: Daughter: Here you go! Me: You're my favorite. Son: Yesterday, you said I was your favorite! Me: Yesterday, you were closest to the remote.