@BackrowSeats: People that say "God never gives you more than you can handle" never met my ex-girlfriend.
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@stevetweeters: Oops. Everyone brought their "see you next year"s to work today and I only brought my throat slashing gesture.
@mommywhines: It's so adorable when girls are scared to eat in front of a guy. I'll eat both your plates. Probably even the guy.
@markleggett: If you accept small grammatical errors, decent society collapses and then everyone starts marrying dogs. That's what happened to Australia.
@dafloydsta: [date] HER: *staring into my eyes* Whatcha thinking about? ME: *daydreaming about dogs on trampolines* Just you, girl.