@ehdannyboy: People that start a sentence with "Now I'm not trying to be rude" are either about to be rude, or about to sing Ignition by R Kelly.
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@KalvinMacleod: ME: I got pizza sauce on my mouse. I need a new one. IT DEPARTMENT: You should just be able to wipe it off. ME: Too late, I ate it.
@TEXASVETERAN: I just swallowed my record player's needle and nothing's happened to me, nothing's happened to me, nothing's happened to me, nothing's happe
@noog: Mirror mirror on the wall, can I call you Jim or something cuz I'm not saying mirror mirror on the wall every time. That's just ridiculous