@LostFelicia: People that use abbreviations like ppl, wyd, hmu, and idk - what do you do with all that time you saved?
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@fillthevacuum: Why do we never see "Side effects may include spontaneous happiness, explosive giggling, uncontrollable hugging, and diarrhea"?
@Parentpains: Apparently "I'll break your god damn legs" isn't the problem solving skills that employers are looking for, at least according to HR anyway.
@ChristianMingel: Trained psychologists: “Hitting your kids can cause them to be violent adults” Twitter genius: “I was hit and I never turned out violent. That’s why I can’t wait to hit my own kids when I get them”
@DanMentos: [first date] "Tell me two interesting things about yourself" well I lie when I'm nervous… "ok…" and I invented oatmeal