@aka_fatman: [at the gym]
Trainer: You want me to spot you, bro?
Waldo: Please don't do that.
@5hael: I always carry a jellyfish in case I need to pee on someone.
@pinupteacher: After seeing my dog scoot her butt across my rug, I've decided I need to up my break dancing game.
@: I'm in a weird place in life because I'm not ready to get married, but I am ready to drag some cans behind my car
@FeelingEuphoric: ME: I have an appointment for 1:30
RECEPTIONIST: may I have your last name?
ME: omg *tearing up* yes, I’ll marry you
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