@dumbbeezie: People think doing meth makes you lose weight but actually it’s the climbing buildings and ripping out the plumbing
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@illiter8too: So many athletes thank god for their wins, but I want to see athletes who angrily curse god when they lose.
@londonlass666: This ATM has just charged me £2 for a transaction but told me to cover my PIN to prevent from being robbed. Pretty ironic if you ask me.
@NicestHippo: [job interview] You sure you know what it means to be a real estate developer? [i picture myself yelling at a building to try harder] Yes
@KKAlThani: "Dad, how did you fall in love with mom?" "Well, son, long story short I saw her picture on Instagram and it was love at first...filter."