@dumbbeezie: People think doing meth makes you lose weight but actually it’s the climbing buildings and ripping out the plumbing
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@Black__Elvis: I'm romantic so I treat my girlfriend to a candlelight dinner every night, plus she's getting fat and candlelight has like zero calories.
@DamonHunzeker: Curiosity gave the cat slightly high blood pressure but nothing to be concerned about.
@flashember: [Giraffe Weatherman] "Yes Bob, we have a major blizzard happening up here but *giraffe lowers head* on the ground we're still looking good."