@DurtMcHurtt: People think I'm kissing an imaginary girl when I play air tuba.
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@10InchesPlus: You call it armed robbery, I call it people giving me gifts to celebrate my new gun!
@chuuew: ME: Mint choc chip ice cream, pls. I got my own cone [places it on counter] EMPLOYEE: This is a traffic cone? ME: You must be new here.
@MarkAgee: If I win Powerball, I'm having at least six of you killed. Four of you know who you are. I think the other two will be very surprised.