@juliussharpe: People used to go all around the world for spices. That must have been underwhelming. "Guys, I've been gone three years and this is cumin."
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@torrami: My favorite thing about single people is how they champion being single till they like someone then they transform into a hypocritcalpotamus
@AimeeHelene1: When someone at work asks you what you're doing this weekend, just pull a lettuce leaf out of your pocket and slowly start licking it.
@AristotlesNZ: If I was Penguin's attorney I'd request bail by saying "He's no flight risk!" Then Hi-5 the whole courtroom but Batman. I'd leave him hangin
@philandher96: "It helps knowing that everyone else will die with me if we crash." ~my 11yo on why she's not afraid to fly unaccompanied