@shariv67: People used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a standup comic. Well, no one's laughing now. Wait.
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@RumAndReeses: Whew, good thing there's a facebook petition for ending the shutdown, or else we'd be in real trouble.
@JohnLyonTweets: There's nothing like the joy on a kid's face when he first sees the PlayStation box containing the socks I got him for Christmas.
@NYorNothing: Me: We should set up a play date Hot dad at park: You have a kid? Me: No, I said WE should
@hyperblastchic: Me: Gouda would pair nicely with this merlot! Priest: This is communion... M: Oh. Gouda would taste well with the blood of Chr- P: Leave.