@shariv67: People used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a standup comic. Well, no one's laughing now. Wait.
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@Dear_Booze: ME: "I'll have a rum & coke." HIM: "I can't serve you." ME: "Because I'm too drunk?" HIM: "No. 'cause this is a hardware store."
@bondgirl_79: Sorry I called animal control about your children but I really think those tranquilizer darts did the trick.
@kevinrowe1: Take it from me. Your wife will not like it if you say, "My twitter girls would do that"
@Izianikapani: My kids don't drive me to drink. Can't wait until they get their license and they can though.