@Sean_Burgundy_: People usually stop coming over to your house when you greet them with "Make yourself at home, BUT WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T OPEN THE FREEZER."
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@Pro_Jones_: (Date) Me: Sorry I have terrible anxiety and get picnic attacks. Her: You mean panic attacks? Me: *pulling basket out* Oh god make it stop
@mattZillaaaa: "911, what is your emergency?" Yes I can't hear my television "Sir, this is not an emer-" Someone keeps screaming "HELP ME!!" next door