@Livsey1: "People want to feel special.. they'll buy sugary piss in a bottle as long as it has their name on it." - Executives at Coke
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@Sean_Burgundy_: I just want a woman that will look out for me while I'm shaking the vending machine
@ForeverHairy: The nice thing about getting a pet lobster is that you can always threaten to eat it when your kid stops taking care of it.
@UncleDuke1969: [typing] Me: Is it DISCREET or DISCRETE? Wife: 2nd. Me: Is "polyamorous" hyphenated? Wife: No. Why? Me: It's for work. When's your flight?