@Home_Halfway: People who argue Hillary is crooked; boy have I got news for you on the rest of the government
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@ambienbabe: I say "fight me" a lot for a girl that's 5'2" and has a tough time opening some doors because they're too heavy.
@daemonic3: [1st date] HER: So do you have any hobbies? SALT SHAKER: Nice dress! It would look great on my floor HER: What?! HIM: Just ventriloquism
@DanKCharnley: [1st day as undercover cop] *approaches drugdealer* Me: "Yes hello I'd like to purchase one crack and two marijuanas please!" *gets stabbed*