@sixthformpoet: People who ask themselves what Jesus would do seem to forget just how badly things worked out for him.
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@ThRealBallsDeep: Me:Siri, why don't I have any friends? Siri:*shows me my Google search history* M:Good call.
@Barack_and_Joe: When your homie hyped you up to talk to a girl and you look back one last time before risking it all.
@DanielRCarrillo: If your opponent cracks his knuckles before a fight, have comfort knowing that osteoarthritis will, in due time, avenge your savage beating.
@GoldenSpirals: Apparently... Border Security does NOT think it's funny when you reply, "I'm hungry" when they ask you if you have anything to declare.