@dreamthievin: People who bend down to pick up a thread instead of running over it with the vacuum 37 times, what's it like to exercise?
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@dafloydsta: [job interview] "What's your greatest weakness?" I'm always hungry "That's not what I-" *takes out a cake* Also, I don't like to share
@ArfMeasures: WEBSITE CEO: We need a fool-proof way to ensure everyone who enters the site is over 18 "What about clicking on a button that says I'm over 18?" WEBSITE CEO: Bob, you have done it again
@egg_dog: good prank: sneak into someone's house every night over a year and replace thier toilet with a slightly larger one until it fills tthe room