@RuthePhoenix: People who call themselves "grammar Nazis" deserve the worst possible sentence.
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@stephenjmolloy: [Trying to impress a girl on a date] Me: "Not to brag but I'm getting Windows 10 for free."
@OhNoSheTwitnt: My white cat has been beating up my black cat a lot lately so I guess he's been reading the news and knows he won't get punished for it.
@TheAlexNevil: I'm teaching 7 it's ok for a man to cry, & it's also ok for a man to jump on a table, scream and throw coins at a spider.