@RuthePhoenix: People who call themselves "grammar Nazis" deserve the worst possible sentence.
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@BradBroaddus: It really creeps me out the way my neighbor stares at me when I'm looking through her window.
@Brianhopecomedy: Give a man a fish and he can eat for a day. Teach a 4 year old how to turn on the TV and you can sleep for an extra hour.
@LindaInDisguise: Me: When I was lying in bed, I found this huge lump. I need it removed. Doctor: Ma'am, that's your husband. Me: And your point is...?