@kelkulus: People who complain that my Christmas gifts are "stupid" and "thoughtless" clearly have no idea how hard it is to wrap a pineapple.
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@JohnLyonTweets: Facebook post: Sad news. Mom passed away this morning. Facebook: Be the first person to like this.
@PuncherJetpack: I've been stealing retainers and throwing them in a swamp so that in 1000 or so year archeologists think it's an ancient nerd burial ground
@robotrowboat: Starting to think that adult supervision is a myth. In fact, my eyes seem to be getting worse.
@myles_morrison: If anyone tried to steal my identity I would just think "now it's their problem."