@KThonvold: People who genetically engineer food, why don't you make celery that tastes like Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? I bet that would shut people up
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@OfficialMizGin: Cologne companies have no clue what really attracts women. If they did, every bottle would smell like doughnuts.
@BromanConsul: cute girl just saw me try to walk and drink water at the same time so dating her is off the table now
@moose_chocolate: I, put commas, in, weird places, so that, you, read, my tweets, like William, Shatner.
@HousewifeOfHell: I stuck a "Baby On Board" sign on my minivan to warn the other drivers how fussy and tantrum-y I get when traffic's bad or I miss my nap.