@mc_funbags: People who go jogging, you realise we have cars now, right?
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@drinksmcgee: Me: C'mon, baby. Send me a pic. Her: I dunno. Me: Baby, please. I need it. Her: Fine. *Opens pic of pug dressed like a duck* Me: Sweeeeeet
@aka_fatman: "I tell you, this car runs like a dream!" I change gears and the gearstick turns into a swan. I turn on the wipers & it rains on the inside.
@ArfMeasures: DOCTOR: Well, I can't find anything wrong with you. I suspect the problem is heavy drinking ME: Should I come back when you've sobered up?