@SeanEmeny: People who have wheels on their office chair, how do you get any work done?
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@DiamondLou69: Hot chick at the bar just said that she's gonna do something stupid tonight... ...I informed her that I only had a 1.75 GPA in high school.
@spazrunsny: Telling a woman she's being unreasonable is like juggling lit torches while waist deep in gun powder.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Things are going well. *knocks on wood* 5-year-old: Who's there? Me: It's not a knock knock joke. 5: It's not a knock knock joke who?
@wendchymes: I'm smarter than I look. I was gonna say -more intelligenter- but wasn't sure how to spell it so...