@qwertygirl: People who hit Reply All to 20+ recipients and then say, "Thanks!"--please know, you are going to Hell. Nothing can save you. Nothing.
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@GarryShandling: If you're head of the CIA and can't hide an extramarital affair it means it can't be done. Case closed, fellas.
@TheBoydP: The book I bought on dog training doesn't seem to be working. I don't think she's even reading it.
@MrGeorgeWallace: Just hired a dirtying lady. About to watch her and my cleaning lady fight it out.
@CulturedRuffian: Waiter: Did you save room for dessert? Me: Not really, I'm stuffed Waiter: Ok, I'll bring the check Me: I'll have the chocolate cake.