@DurtMcHurtt: People who leave their underwear at parks are either awesome at sex or terrible at dressing raccoons.
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@_NinJar: *cop frisking me* Cop: "theres nothin in your pockets that will poke me, right?" Uh, no Cop: "OW!" *baby porcupine jumps out* RUN POKEY, RUN
@kirbys4losers: Of course you don't know 'our song.' You didn't know we were even dating, silly. Or that the girl you had lunch with is in my trunk.
@AnOrangeSNES: When life gives you lemons, worship the elder Gods. Take candy from a baby. Drink from a trough of blood. Who cares? None of this matters