@DurtMcHurtt: People who leave their underwear at parks are either awesome at sex or terrible at dressing raccoons.
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@ParasiteHilton: *”accidentally” drops my gym membership card from my wallet in front of a cute girl* Me: Oh gee, I seem to have dr— *300 fast-food coupons flutter to the ground following it*
@fillthevacuum: "Ohhh, that's what you meant by period sex" I say, removing my powdered wig and waistcoat.
@sagarcasm: *Checks typos in the mail before sending* *Checks again, to be sure* *Clicks on Send* *Goes to sent mails* There's a typo in the Subject