@ningella: People who live in Lego houses should not walk around without shoes.
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@scorpiusryan21: Had a skype interview yesterday and I completely avoided the fact that I am actually a centaur
@TheDjinnTrials: A fortune cookie told me I'd receive an important message soon. The message in the bottle told me the fortune cookie was poisoned.
@Dutch_50: The Carpenters: Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? Me: Those aren't birds. They're giant blood sucking mosquitos.
@noog: God: Don't eat that Apple. You can smoke this plant I made instead [20 min later] Adam: Sooo hungry Eve: Me too Adam: That apple looks good