@RefractReality: People who live in stone houses can throw all the glass they want.
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@TheAlexNevil: 5: I want to learn drums. Me: Ok, but you have to walk them, feed them, and pick up their poop. *confused, 5 walks away I am the master.
@JesssieAshley: If by drinking responsibly you mean drinking out of a plastic cup rather than a glass one then you're damn right I am.
@avaricious1: I saw a spider in my bedroom so I did what any man would do... I got in an argument with my wife so I could sleep on the couch.
@SamanthaRae49: When people show me pictures of their kids I show them pictures of my exes. If I have to look at their mistakes, they have to look at mine.