@capricecrane: People who love dark chocolate are always so snobby about it. Relax. It's just chocolate, you elitist ninnies.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Priest: Marriage lasts until death. You’re not married in heaven. Me: Why not? Wife: Then we’d be in hell.
@JohnHilsen: "There's no I in TEAM," he yells. "There's no COACH in LOCKER ROOM," I respond. He leaves in stunned silence, and is never seen again.