@JermHimselfish: People who make up phrases and try to pass them off as popular sayings are just throwing meat to the monkeys in the middle of a maelstrom.
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@jumpdashark: My friend called me from a private number last night so I just returned the favor by knocking on his door with a ski mask on.
@Juven_Naidoo: Couch: $300 TV: $1000 Chips: $3. The look on your face when you don't have electricity: Priceless
@Playing_Dad: [First date] Date: I'm looking for a guy who's above average. Me: [Trying to be above average] I've eaten 17 spiders this year