@pizzajaynow: People who only tweet inspirational stuff are the same people who reminded their school teacher about homework assignments.
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@Jake_Vig: [visit to zoo] See kids? All these animals have to live here in cages because they woke daddy up early one time.
@TedOfficialPage: Imagine this: you're home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers "Bless you" and hangs up
@Midgetspar: I get it. True beauty comes from within. But until true beauty can wear lingerie and give a mean lap dance, I may have a few shallow moments