@pizzajaynow: People who only tweet inspirational stuff are the same people who reminded their school teacher about homework assignments.
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@WheelTod: I can't afford an electric toothbrush, so I just roll a baby hedgehog in some toothpaste and hold in it my mouth for 15 minutes.
@maisonwithapen: *stands near cute dude in store* ME [pretending to be on my phone]: PLEASE doctor, when will I be cured of my no gag reflex problem *winks*
@ch000ch: ME: i'm having a lovely time tonight my date: why do u keep yelling "ME" before every sentence
@FrogAvalanche: 911: Whats ur emergency? "OMG my neighbours cat is stuck on the roof-" 911: Ma'am, this is an emergency only service- "-of my sons mouth."