@Dwarven_Cleric: People who peel the entire banana before eating it are the same ones who take off all their clothes to go to the bathroom.
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@envydatropic: My greatest fear is that I'll be reported as a missing person and my family guesstimates my weight way higher than what I actually weigh
@notalogin: After the hipster got his girl pregnant, he wouldn't shut up about how he was into her before she got big.
@WheelTod: *Prosecution points to badger*: Objection! This animal has no place in court! Defense: Your honor, the badger is prosecuting the witness