@E_lok44: People who pronounce didn't as."dih-in't" please doh-on't.
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@Darlainky: -That toaster oven looks worn out. Why are you still using it? -Sentimental attachment. -It just caught fire. -Aww, just like old times.
@jwoodham: It's almost Christmas, which means it's almost time to hear my parents' new excuses for why Jennifer Lawrence isn't under the tree again.
@deardilettante: [hits you in the face with newspaper] "Sorry, I thought your eyebrows were caterpillars."