@E_lok44: People who pronounce didn't as."dih-in't" please doh-on't.
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@Bagyants: I can explain the casting for Thor. Norse mythology describes him as a "hauntingly beautiful blonde lady"
@squirrel74wkgn: [at a party] *taps wife's shoulder* I've looked everywhere...where are all the swings? (wife pulls away from kissing Bob) "What?"
@FSUSteve: Ever been in the middle of writing a great tweet and think, did I just run someone over?
@tmckenna1: "Donald Trump is feuding with the Pope" is like the 7th Onion headline that's become real life in this election season