@markleggett: People who push and shove to get on a flight before other passengers are possibly going to get to their end destination one second faster.
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@animadvertguy: LAWYER: where were you Oct 13th? ME: alibi school LAWYER: can u prove this? ME: wait, the 13th? LAWYER: ya ME: k no I was murdering that day
@TheToddWilliams: "Your new girlfriend seems a bit, I don't know...bookish?" She has a name you know! "What is it?" ...Paige.
@XplodingUnicorn: I had abstinence-only sex education when I was in high school. It was called Dungeons and Dragons.
@tequilasaltlife: I'm a good driver until there is a cop behind me Then I become a paranoid weed transporter from the border