People who replace “Christ” with “X” are missing the whole point of what the ChristBox 360 is about.
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“Dude! You rock!”
– stated excitedly“… You stone! You worse than senseless thing!”
– held back 93 times out of 100
WHO KEEPS BUILDING WEBSITES FOR RESTAURANTS THAT HAVE EVERYTHING BUT THE HOURS AND MENU ???!!!!??? I DON’T CARE THE CHEF ANDY USES MIDWESTERN FLARE
Fantasy football is just Dungeons and Dragons for the people who used to beat up the people who played Dungeons and Dragons.
*lays down on the battlefield*
You all go on without me. I’m tired.
My washing machine at noon: “I will gently wash these clothes.”
My washing machine at midnight: “I WILL WASH THE HELL OUT OF THESE CLOTHES!!”
My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger
Social norms ?
We grew up thinking it’s perfectly normal that Tom and Jerry were always naked and only wore swimsuits when at the beach.
Coworker: You’ll never guess what happened to me this weekend!
Me: You’re right. *walks away*
[family vacation]
Son: how much farther?
Me: call me dad
houseplants b like due to personal reasons i will be passing away…
Why do people have guest books at their houses? Your game night is not a destination, Brenda.
me telling my computer i’ll update everything tomorrow
New mindset, who dis?
I changed my mind..🐕🐾🍪😅
$120 for a tire rotation? trust me they rotate. buddy how do you think i got here
Fireman: [bursts in] EVERYONE OUT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Me: No its a hose lol
[later]
Cop: looks like he filled him with water til he exploded
Have manufacturers of picket fences ever gone on strike? Because the irony would be awesome.
Take your time, I’ll wait.
Guy threw a banana peel out the window into my lane 2day. Yrs of practice paid off and I arrived to work safely. Thank you Mario Kart.
why doesn’t every store have a lost spouse aisle??
my head, thawed from cryogenic storage 1000 years in future: boy, i could go for a pizza
lab staff: what is ..peet-za?
my head: throw me out the window right now i’m not even exaggerating
You spin me right round, baby, right round…
~ my Roomba at night probably
This girl wants to sing with me but I don’t wanna duet
me: *throwing rocks at the window of a girl I like*
flight attendant: STOP THAT
A chilling warning for the old people in my village.
Wow, it’s a beautiful day outside. I should probably do something. *closes the blinds so there isn’t a glare on my screen*
~ Developers
It’s very rare that a defibrillator fails
But when it does,
no one is shocked
If I groomed really well, lost some weight, got my teeth fixed and learned how to use Photoshop I could easily be a five
I’m already getting into the Thanksgiving spirit, I’ve given the bird to lots of people today.
[millipede preschool]
head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes, knees and toes, knees and toes, knees and toes, knees and toes…
My son just tripped over some toys and was convinced his 1yo sister set a trap for him. Utterly ridiculous.
It was me.