@junejuly12: People who say 45 minutes past the hour are the same ones who have kids 89 and 63 months old
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@VerbsRProudest: I don't know when the apocalypse will happen. All I know for sure is my son will still have 4th grade math homework due the next day.
@slimmy_shady: When I was having an affair with twins, people used to ask how I told them apart. Well, Sue had brown eyes and Steve had a moustache.
@BackrowSeats: If you can't be with the one you love then be with the one who has the best cable package.