@GotBadTouched: People who say everything happens for a reason should remember that when I punch them in the face.
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@sofarrsogud: It's like my pet hippo doesn't even realise it's my pet. DOCTOR: Please be quiet while I stitch up your face.
@imdaintyaf: When you gaze into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you, wraps a towel around itself and screams oh wait that's my neighbor haha Hi Pam!
@shariv67: "I'd make an awesome president. Give me a problem, any problem." "Um, population control?" "Kill all the storks. BOOM!"
@SortaBad: [Christina Aguilera begins singing the lyrics 'You Are Beautiful' at her concert, notices me in the audience, and abruptly stops]