@GotBadTouched: People who say everything happens for a reason should remember that when I punch them in the face.
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@behindyourback: I'm rabidly against plagiarism, but I guess if you're going to steal something, a Columbus joke at least makes sense
@robfee: Can someone tell me the exact crime I need to commit to get put on house arrest because legally having to cancel plans sounds incredible.
@crabgirl_: The people in this spin class are looking at me like they've never seen a girl with a helmet before.
@Sickayduh: "Dad, how come we use plastic forks and my friends all have silverware?" - Because they're poor and have to reuse everything. "Pfft losers"