@MrFornicator: People who say gays are destroying the fabric of society have obviously never seen what a gay man can do with fabric.
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@DanMentos: me: excuse me but is the pilot vaping? flight attendant: no there’s a fire in the cockpit me: oh thank god
@nbadag: [runs up to a group of people] ME: ZACK ATTACK GUY: lol is your name zack or— [thousands of bros crest a nearby hill] ME: [whispering] RUN
@AnUglyNigga: A horror movie with all black people lmao "Ayo what's going down in ya basement?" "That ain't my business" "I feel ya" *Rolls credits*
@itsthatAsh: Commas are the coolest punctuation, because they're like "Yeah, you haven't got time to stop, but you can chill for a little bit."