@notalogin: People who say "go big or go home" seriously underestimate my willingness to go home. Like, it's literally my only goal for most of the day.
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@MildlyClassic: Unfollowing because you didnt get a follow back is like quitting drinking tea because the tea doesn't drink you back. It doesn't make sense.
@Chumpstring: I like to shit with the door open, because it keeps other people from getting onto the elevator with me.
@Parentpains: Weird, my coworker has bragged all day about his pending vacation and now his headlights have kicked themselves in.