@LoveNLunchmeat: People who say losing weight is "just math" clearly have no idea how far out of my way I go to avoid math.
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@Reverend_Scott: "SOMEONE IS VAPING" 911: Stay calm, were tracing it "HURRY" 911: THE VAPING IS COMIN FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE "OMG" 911: GET OUT GET OUT
@WilliamAder: As it turns out, if you're with a group of people, it's "Christmas caroling." If you do it alone it's "creating a public nuisance."
@desusnice: i love that kanye gets into very specific beefs with ppl i have to google but he's nice enough to say both their first & last name
@Alex_N_Chains: Today on "Dora the Explorer", Dora and Boots learn there are some places they can't explore when Map leads them to an armed border patrol.