@LoveNLunchmeat: People who say losing weight is "just math" clearly have no idea how far out of my way I go to avoid math.
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@NichollsTerence: I want to go on the record by saying I love my family but if I have to spend any longer with them you'll be seeing me on the 6 o'clock news.
@heytherecore: [Dinner with GF's parents] Thank you for having me over, can I use the bathroom? "MAY I use the bathroom" *slams fists down* I ASKED FIRST