@markleggett: People who say that they don't have time for my bullshit need to learn how to manage their time better. Wake up an hour earlier.
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@BoogTweets: Dove: Dad, what's my name mean? Me: It's the symbol for love Swallow: What about mine? Me: Umm, true love.
@Fickle_Filly: A starfish has five arms. An anablep has four eyes. An octopus has three hearts. And you've got two faces.
@Steelers1972: I swallowed my NyQuil with a 5 Hour energy and a latte and now my pet unicorn Steve and I are off to bake cheesecakes.
@djdarrellripley: Me: What happened to all the bourbon? Her: Oh, I put it in the chicken. Me: Then pour me a glass of chicken.