@robyn_vo: People who say their migraine is going to be the death of them are totally right because I just killed a lady right after she said that.
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@RidiculousSheri: I was in a gang once. We wore blue, traveled in packs, and ruled our turf with shiny instruments...wait. Band. I was in the marching band.
@Brianhopecomedy: You're probably wondering how I tweet so much while maintaining a loving marriage and two amazing kids. The key is neglect.
@errdayhustlah: According to my neighbor's rooster, it's 5am now. Also according to my neighbor's rooster, we're having fried chicken for dinner tomorrow.