@robyn_vo: People who say their migraine is going to be the death of them are totally right because I just killed a lady right after she said that.
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@BoogTweets: What if deer stare at our headlights because they’re trying to use the force to stop the car and when one actually stops their deer squad is in the woods watching and just losing their minds over it
@sirmunchie: Me to my Boss: Excuse me, sir, can I ask a stupid question. Boss: Better than anyone else I know...
@Fred_Delicious: [sex addiction group] "Hi, my name is Fred, and as I've got a saxophone in my hand it's fair to assume I misread the ad"