@robyn_vo: People who say their migraine is going to be the death of them are totally right because I just killed a lady right after she said that.
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@donni: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Do you know why I stopped? *silence* *a saxophone wails in the distance*
@wolfpupy: none of the animals i designed and invented are at the zoo. do they even check the suggestion box
@SodomyClown: The worst feeling in the world is being in love with somebody that knows how to untie rope and run away while you're napping.
@stephenjmolloy: Job interviewer: "Why do you want to join the Secret Service?" Me: "It's a secret." Job interviewer: "You got the job."