@tsm560: People who say they'll be late for their own funeral*
*trust me. you'll make it.
@ThRealBallsDeep: Sorry I threw firewood at you and yelled "shoo", but with the amount of eye liner you wear, you resemble the raccoons that raided my cooler.
@Reverend_Scott: *rubs magic lamp, genie appears*
"You get 2 wishes."
I wish I got 3 wishes.
"Your wish is granted."
"You have 2 left."
@Storminika: The president says 60% of Americans don't know math -- 60%. So what if 60% don't know math? What about the 85% that do know math?
@LurkAtHomeMom: When people say let's stop fighting and act like a family, that's where I get confused.
@AndrewChamings: PEDIATRICIAN: This could sting a little.
PEDIATRICIAN: One day the sun will envelope the earth and we will all turn to dust.